Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Should I Have Daughter Envy?

When I was a little girl, I always had it set in my mind that I would have One daughter and One son. In my family there was always the elder sister and the younger brother, that's how it worked, it was always one of each (or in my Mums case, two of each)
However, when I fell pregnant with Tom, I just KNEW he was a boy, right the way through the pregnancy, and actually, I was OK with that. I just thought 'well the next one will probably be a girl then, and we will have one of each' always having that 'fear' if you want to call it that, that there was probably no daughter in my future. Seeing my Mother In Law with 3 sons I knew that was a very real possibility.
My pregnancy with Ewan was so different to the pregnancy I had with Tom, in almost every aspect. So naturally I thought 'this is a girl, I just know it!' You can imagine my surprise when the ultrasound tech told me that we were having another bouncing baby boy.
Imagine coming out of that room, just having seen your precious unborn child, perfectly healthy, nothing to worry about, and feeling... sad... That's how I felt, It was like I was mourning this imaginary little girl that had never existed, and that made me feel like the most awful Mother on the earth.
It took me weeks to finally get my head around the fact that I would probably never have a daughter, for me it wasn't about being able to buy the cute dresses and the pink outfits. It was that Mother, Daughter bond, the friendship that I was never going to experience.
I had it always in my head this saying that my Mum had said to me years back, "Your daughter is a daughter for life, your Son is a Son until he takes a wife" That saying still haunts me to this day because I have seen so many experiences where it rings true, and I definitely don't want to be that awful controlling Mother In Law!

Ewan has just turned One year old, and already I get the question, 'so are you going to try for a girl then?' As though just leaving it at two boys would be some sort of tragic imbalance that needs to be corrected. But the truth is, I think this girl is shutting up shop, so yes, two boys it is!

The past few months I have really been embracing my two boys for the amazing little people that they are, and finding the positives of being a Mum of Sons.
For instance, I will never have to put up with the drama and 'cattiness' of girls, boys tend to just get on with it and sort it between themselves, there is also the fact that they are (somewhat) safer, I'm sure I will always worry about them, but I think that worry would most certainly be amplified had they been girls.
All in all, I feel ready to take on the challenge of raising my two beautiful boys and turning them into respectful gentlemen, who will be suitably ready for the big wide world, when the time comes.

Anna xx